Monday, July 5, 2010
This is my pride and joy, my alter (as I so often have them in my homes, more on this ummm, later in some story about my Porter Square bedroom, probably over on THE SEANCE). I pore over this thing like a child. And when I am feeling swirling and lost I stand in front of it and try to clear my mind and focus. It provides a kind of peace, looking at the spectacle of it and the organization and the solace in knowing that, at least this much of (my) life is in order and organized and listed and can be let go of. I am one of those "list" people. I always find relief in getting things written down and listed in front of me where I can see them and have that kind of power and control over them. A list allows me to release, knowing that the important details are logged and are not going to be lost. Lists allow me to sleep at night.
I have, for much of my life on this earth, been trying to have/achieve a bookcase that allows me this peace. One that chronicles and organizes and displays a set of ideas and colors. And now, thanks to Jennifer and this home that we have, I can finally have that. In the past my books have been consigned to boxes and closets and other homes and inaccessible piles in my rooms, they have been unseen and forgotten details of my life. But now, finally, here with you, they can spread out and be the parts of me and you that they are.
Sometimes I just stand and look at it and feel a deep sense of peace.
When we moved into this apartment the bookcase was one of the first things we agreed that we had to have and though it was such a bitch to actually buy and transport and build this case it was very, very worth it (it was Jenn's idea that we should organize the books not only chronologically but also in order of publishing dates). We actually debated, in the beginning, about getting the smaller version of this case, and I said eh, lets get the big one and we can use the extra space for DVDs and vinyl and what not, and, as it would turn out, it would really,barely, compensate our books, much less anything else.
It later became my opinion that another level could be added to it to expand upon our ideas and what not and so I put it on our registry. We did not get it, but after the wedding we used some of the wedding "gift money" to buy it (along with Jenn's lovely desk for sewing and all of her other projects) and we spent the day constructing and organizing. In this reorganizing, my dream was to create a "Phil" record and etc. section and a "Brian's writing" section. And it happened. The bookcase now features all our books, etc, as well as the Phil Elverum Section and a corresponding Xiu Xiu etc. section as well as a "Brian's writing" section, and, of course, pretty much all of our books.
And that is the story of our bookcase. We are booky people. It is a source of peace and solace for me. I look at it and I see so much of what is important to me in this life (as far as material possessions go). I look at the records and the books and feel a little more OK about everything.
(The top of the shelf is still the Stephen King section and you can also note some of Jenn's lovely charcoals of her, sadly, lost to others, cats.)
Our bookcase is the heart of our home, as it ought to be.